This is a difficult passage to interpret, but it will help us if we understand the particular situation Paul is addressing. It seems that he is addressing a problem at Corinth, namely, that some of the believers there were engaged to be married, but because the idea was going around Corinth that marriage and sex were things that defile Christians, some of those who were engaged were unsure about whether to go through with the marriage or not. This situation has nothing to do with us. And yet this is still the Word of God to us. I believe that if we listen in on what Paul says to this situation, we will hear something that addresses our lives as well and will show us how to see the world in light of the gospel and live accordingly. God speaks to his people even through obscure passages like this one.

Last week we saw from verses 1-24 that Paul’s recurring point was “remain as you are.” In other words, don’t be overly concerned about your worldly situation. What matters most is not whether you are single or married or whether you are Jew or Gentile, slave or free. What matters most is the call of God that has made you new in Christ. Live that out faithfully before God in whatever situation you are in. As we will see today, he will give largely the same advice: “Remain as you are,” of course with some exceptions. But in this passage he introduces an idea that we did not see last week: the fact that we live now on the brink of the end. We are living in the overlap of the ages. This present age is passing away, and at any moment Christ could return, though we do not know when.

So what does it mean for us about the way we live, in an age that is already passing away? Jesus tells us in Luke 14:26-27: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” Family relationships are very important, but they are not all-important. Ultimately, our closest family relationships—including our marriages—belong to this age that is passing away. That means that we must subordinate even marriage and family to the Kingdom of Christ. We must “hate” our own family by comparison to our love for Christ. Nothing, not even family, matters more than entering the Kingdom. And if we are to enter the Kingdom, Christ demands from us all or nothing. So many people want to have it both ways: they want the world in life and Heaven in death. And they are so busy pursuing the world now that they give Christ half-hearted commitment. But there are no half-hearted disciples of Christ. Jesus made it crystal clear: with him, it is all or nothing. And so it is the height of absurdity to waver between Christ and the world and never make a clear, all-or-nothing choice of one or the other. As the prophet Elijah told the people of Israel, who wanted to worship God and Baal at the same time: “How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him.” I believe this is the word God has for us today: come to Christ with everything you have, and make even your family relationships subordinate to your love for him.

I have divided the text into “advice” in verses 25-35 and “exceptions” in verses 36-40.

First, we have Paul’s
I. Advice, 25-35.
Why call it “advice”? Why use a softer term than “command”? Clearly, what Paul says here is not meant to be taken as a binding command but as his advice to those who had never married (some of whom were engaged to be married). In such cases, there is no binding word from the Lord that would make one option right and the other wrong. Paul says he has no command from the Lord in verse 25, which means Jesus never addressed the situation during his earthly ministry. Paul will not lay down a law that says either single people should get married or that they should not. The point of his advice, then, is not to tell us what to do. It is to use this situation to cause us to think through who we are and to act out of that self-understanding, whatever we decide to do. In other words, Paul’s aim here is not to lay down a law but to help us cultivate wisdom within ourselves so that we can make our own decisions from a perspective that honors God.

Paul’s advice is here, as it has been throughout the chapter, “Remain as you are.” Verse 26 reads, “I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.” Paul may be on the horns of a dilemma here. Remember: he is writing in response to a letter they sent him, in which they had argued that celibacy—even for those already married—was a moral imperative. Paul wants to affirm the goodness of celibacy (for singles) without affirming their bad theological reasoning for it. So he says here, “Yes, it is good to remain as you are if you are single. But not because celibacy is a moral imperative. Rather, because of the present distress.”

What is “the present distress”? Some have argued that it was a particular distress, perhaps a famine or some other economic disaster, that was threatening Corinth at the time. That is certainly possible, but if so I think Paul is viewing it as part of a larger series of tribulations that will characterize the whole present age until Christ returns. There are clues elsewhere in the passage to help us understand this: Verse 29 says, “This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short”; and then at the end of verse 31 he writes, “For the present form of this world is passing away.” In other words, through the cross and resurrection God has set in motion events that are bringing this present age to an end. Even though it is a good institution ordained by God at creation, marriage still belongs to the present age and will pass away when the present age comes to an end. Therefore, those believers who are married now will be more invested in the present age than those who are not married. That doesn’t make married people worse than singles; it is just a fact. And one result of this fact is that married believers will face certain kinds of troubles that unmarried believers will not have to face.

So, in light of this “present distress,” Paul has said, “It is good to remain as you are,” and he spells that out practically for them in verse 27: “Are you bound to a wife [i.e., either married or betrothed]? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife [i.e., neither married nor betrothed]? Do not seek a wife.” These are not laws. They are general advice that spells out what Paul means when he says, “Remain as you are.” To make his point clear, Paul goes on to say to singles in verse 28, “But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman [Greek “virgin”] marries, she has not sinned.” The question to marry or not to marry is not a question of obedience vs. disobedience. Marital status simply does not define who we are before God. And there is a clear advantage to remaining single, Paul writes at the end of v. 28: “Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.” The “present distress” must cause us to think carefully about the complications that marriage will bring to our lives before we enter into it.
Paul spells out his theological rationale for his advice in verses 29-31: “This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.” In each of these examples, the point Paul is making is this: do not be engrossed in this world. Those who mourn and those who rejoice do so in response to their circumstances. Paul is not saying do not mourn or rejoice. He is saying that the circumstances that cause us to mourn and rejoice are not all-important. In the same way, he is not telling us not to buy or have any dealings with the world. He is telling us not to think that what we buy or own will last forever. Do not be engrossed in the world, because the present age is quickly coming to an end. But the most shocking thing on the list here is marriage: those who have wives should live as though they had none! Even marriage is not all-important.

I had some trouble trying to figure out what Paul meant here. Elsewhere, particularly Ephesians 5:22-33, he speaks so highly of marriage. How can a married man live as though he has no wife? And then an idea hit me. My dad’s parents married in 1938. Only a few short years later, my grandfather enlisted in the Navy and went off to serve in World War II. For several years my grandfather, though a married man, lived as though he were not married. Husband and wife lived apart because of the particular demands of that situation. The wartime mentality changed the nature of the marriage relationship. Now, Paul is not saying that husbands and wives should live apart from each other, but the illustration helps us capture the kind of mentality we must have. You see, we are in a war too. We are soldiers in the army of Christ, fighting the powers of darkness as we await the return of our King. And that means that, in some ways, our marriages may have to suffer. When Jim Elliot and his four friends attempted to take the gospel to the Auca Indians of South America, they risked their lives for Christ’s sake. And they lost their lives. Their wives were left as widows, and their children were left without fathers. Many people would have said the risk wasn’t worth it, that they should have thought more about their own families. But Paul would have said, “That’s exactly what I mean: those who have wives must live as though they had none.” On the flip side of this, it also means that we have the resources to endure emotionally if we find ourselves in a difficult marriage. Does your spouse cause you a lot of grief? Let this verse encourage you to rest in the security of the fact that even something as major as marriage does not define who you are. Your marriage may be hard, but rest in the fact that it belongs to this present age. Work hard at loving your spouse and enduring the difficulties and doing all in your power to uphold the covenant commitment you have made, but at the end of the day, know that you can have a joy that runs deeper than the emotional fluctuations of your marriage.

Paul is not down on marriage, but he does acknowledge that married people face trouble because they have divided interests. He spells out the point in verses 32-35: “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman [i.e., ‘virgin’] is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” Richard Baxter, one of the great Puritan pastoral theologians of the seventeenth century, addressed the issue of marriage in his work A Christian Directory. In this work he gave this direction for those considering marriage: “Rush not into a state of life, the inconveniences of which you never thought on.” And, in typical Puritan fashion, he goes on to give a numbered list of these “inconveniences” of marriage, a list that totals 20, though here are only a few examples:

“Your wants in a married state are hardlier supplied, than in a single life. . . . You will often be at your wit’s end, taking thought for the future.”

“Your wants in a married state are far hardlier borne than in a single state. It is far easier to bear personal wants ourselves, than to see the wants of wife and children: affection will make their sufferings pinch you. . . . But especially the discontent and impatiences of your family will more discontent you than all their wants.”

“By that time wife and children are provided for, and all their importunate desires satisfied, there is nothing considerable left for pious or charitable uses.”

“There is go great a diversity of temperaments and degrees of understanding, that there are scarce any two persons in the world, but there is some unsuitableness between them. . . . Some crossness there will be of opinion, or disposition, or interest, or will, by nature, or by custom and education, which will stir up frequent discontents.”

“And if love make you dear to one another, your parting at death will be the more grievous. And when you first come together, you know that such a parting you must have; through all the course of your lives you may foresee it.”

Both Richard Baxter and the Apostle Paul write with a heavy dose of realism about marriage. Marriage can create economic and emotional difficulties that single people don’t have to face. That doesn’t make marriage bad or sinful. It does suggest that it should not be entered into without counting the cost. It also suggests that those who are single should not make getting married the focus of their lives. If you are single, and you do not believe you are gifted with celibacy, then by all means take responsible steps toward marriage. But be realistic about what the results will be for you.

So Paul has given his advice: “Remain as you are.” That is, it is good to remain single. There are definite advantages to singleness in pursuit of the Kingdom. However, this is not a law, and there so there are clear exceptions to address. So Paul moves on to the

II. Exceptions, 36-40

There are some reasons for the engaged couples at Corinth not to remain single. Verse 36 says, “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.” There are a couple of difficulties with this verse. Some translations (particularly the NASB) take this as a reference to a man’s dealings with his virgin daughter. Many have interpreted the passage in that way. However, the word “daughter” is not in the Greek, and I think the passage makes better sense as a reference to a couple that is engaged to be married. And so Paul says that if a man thinks he is “not behaving properly” toward his virgin (his fiancée), that is one reason to marry. I take it that “not behaving properly” has to do with the fact that he has pledged to marry her, but now he is wavering in his commitment. If he thinks he should not break his pledge to marry her, then by all means, let him marry; there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Another phrase that is difficult here in my translation is “if his passions are strong.” Translations take this in different ways. Many take it to refer to the girl as a reference to her maturity (NIV says “if she is getting along in years.”) Again, the Greek is difficult to translate, but I think it makes best sense as a reference to the young man’s sexual desire. So Paul’s point is very similar to what he had said in verse 9: It is better to marry than to burn with passion. So these are good reasons to marry: the young man doesn’t want to break his pledge, and he has strong sexual desire that can find God-honoring fulfillment in marriage. There is no sin in getting married. Let’s be clear about that.

But then Paul goes on to say in v. 37, “But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed [or “virgin”], he will do well.” Paul makes it abundantly clear that he is writing about a situation in which a man has made up his own mind not to go through with the marriage. He is not under compulsion. He has not been persuaded by the false idea that marriage is sinful. He has simply decided that he has the gift of celibacy, and singleness is the call God has placed on him. This man will do well not to get married, but to keep his betrothed a virgin.

Every year we give a special offering for international missions in honor of Lottie Moon, who was a missionary to China. What you may not know is that Lottie Moon almost didn’t go to China. She came very close to marrying a man named Crawford Toy, who was a professor at Southern Seminary many years ago. But fortunately for China and for the world, Miss Moon decided against marrying him because his theological views were too liberal for her. And God blessed her singleness, sending her to change lives, even to change the world. China is still officially closed to the gospel, but the church there is booming, with some reports estimating as many as 100 million Christians in China today, most of whom worship in secret. We may not know how much influence is ultimately traceable to Lottie Moon, but there can be no doubt that God blessed her in her singleness. Of course, Paul is not saying that marriage is bad or even that it is worse than singleness. He is simply saying that single people have certain advantages in serving the Lord, and they do well when they recognize their gift of celibacy and fulfill the call God has placed on them.

Paul has given the exception from the man’s perspective in verses 36-38, but now he switches to the woman’s perspective in verses 39-40, telling the women when it is okay for them to seek marriage. In these verses he says that a woman who is married is bound to that marriage as long as her husband lives. Marriage is dissolved only by death. But if he dies, she is free to be married to whomever she wants, but he adds the phrase “only in the Lord.” What Paul means is that she must marry a believer. This is one of the primary verses in the New Testament that teaches that when making a decision to get married, a believer should only marry another believer. But then Paul concludes by saying that, even though she is free to remarry, he thinks she will be happier if she remains single. In other words, it is good to remain as you are. He closes with this sentence: “And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.” Paul opened this section by saying he had no command from the Lord, that is, not direct word from Jesus on this subject. But that doesn’t mean that what we read is not the Word of God, for it certainly is, given to us through the Holy Spirit by the pen of the Apostle Paul.

And that Word has told us that the call of God makes us who we are, not our worldly situation, not even our marriage. Therefore, in light of who we are in Christ and in light of the fact that this present world is coming to nothing, we must pursue Christ and his Kingdom wholeheartedly, in whatever situation we are in. And if we are married (and most of us are), that means putting even marriage and family in line behind Christ.

When John Piper’s son Karsten got married in 1995, he asked his father to present a poem at the wedding ceremony. So John Piper wrote and presented a poem entitled “Love Her More and Love Her Less.” It begins with several stanzas calling on his son to love his wife more than everything else this world has to offer. Then it ends like this:

Yes, love her, love her, more than life;

O, love the woman called your wife.
Go love her as your earthly best.
Beyond this venture not. But, lest
Your love become a fool’s façade,
Be sure to love her less than God.

It is not wise or kind to call
An idol by sweet names, and fall,
As in humility, before
A likeness of your God. Adore
Above your best beloved on earth
The God alone who gives her worth.
And she will know in second place
That your great love is also grace,
And that your high affections now
Are flowing freely from a vow
Beneath these promises, first made
To you by God. Nor will they fade
For being rooted by the stream
Of Heaven’s Joy, which you esteem
And cherish more than breath and life,
That you may give it to your wife.

The greatest gift you give your wife
Is loving God above her life.
And thus I bid you now to bless:
Go love her more by loving less.

I think that is exactly what Jesus meant when he said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” And I think it is what Paul meant here about living on the brink of the end. Let there be no rivals to Christ in your life, no false gods that compete with him in your esteem, not even your own spouse. With Christ, it is all or nothing.

Remain As You Are, Part 2