It’s fair to say that one of the most fundamental characteristics of those who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ and live accordingly is that they understand and recognize authority. Now, it might be true that if we were given a sheet of paper and asked to write down the top ten characteristics of Christians, the recognition of authority might not be one of the top things that would instantly come to our minds. However, if we consider it for a second, I think we would all acknowledge this. Consider for example the first sin in the garden. The fundamental problem was not first seen when Eve took the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil but when she began to question God’s authority over her and to think of herself as an adequate authority in determining what is right, good, and best. The first sin was rooted in a failure to recognize and live under authority.
Accordingly, when we are converted, it is only as we recognize God’s authority over us and trust in his Son’s life, death, and resurrection for our salvation. We then live our lives in a way that honors God only as we understand Christ to be our Lord and accept the authority of Scripture, living in accordance with it. Fittingly, it was when Jesus encountered a man who recognized his authority in being able merely to speak and make something happened that Jesus responded, “Truly, I tell you, with no one in Israel have I found such faith” (Matt. 8:10).
But we would be wrong to think that Christians only recognize authority in relation to God. In God’s ordered world, he has established authority among individuals and institutions throughout his creation. Thus, Paul writes in Romans 13:1-2, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.” And we find similar injunctions in the sphere of the local church, as we read in Hebrews 13:17, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.”
However, living in relationships where authority is recognized and wielded is not limited to the government or the church, it is also lived out in our day-to-day lives – in our homes and in the workplace. And perhaps it is here that believers have the greatest opportunity to demonstrate holy living, since it is in this realm that we spend most of our lives. If you took the hours of the day that you spend at the workplace or at home, you probably are accounting for most of the hours of the day. It should not be surprising, then, that after exhorting us to live in accord with the nature and characteristics of the Lord Jesus that Paul would turn his attention to how we are to live in our homes and the workplace. Specifically, he takes up three relationships in which living under and wielding authority are fundamental: that of husbands and wives, parents and children, and masters and slaves.
And as you look at the text, you can see a specific pattern that Paul utilizes. The text is broken down into three sections. 3:18-19 deals with husbands and wives, 3:20-21 deals with children and their fathers, and 3:22-4:1 deals with slaves and masters. Also, in each section, it is the one in the position of being under the authority of the other that is addressed first. So, wives are addressed first, as are children and slaves. Each is given an exhortation followed by a reason or motivation for that exhortation. Then, the one in the position of the authority is addressed as well, given a command as to how to wield the responsibility and authority they have been given. Therefore, this morning, we are blessed to be able to consider these relationships which no doubt directly affect most if not all of us this morning.
First, we see exhortations concerning:
Paul begins by addressing wives, saying, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (v. 18). The command here is for a wife, who is equal to her husband in the sense of being in God’s image and being no lesser of a person than him, to voluntarily choose to submit herself to her husband’s leadership, oversight, guidance, and care, knowing that this is in accordance with the Lord’s design and purpose for marriage.
Now, it is no secret that this kind of command is despised by many both outside and inside the church. First, a number consider this simply to be demeaning to women. The idea is expressed in terms of saying, “If women are equal to men, then women should not have different roles than men.” There are a number of responses, however. One is simply to note that it is by no means demeaning to say that men and women have different roles in marriage. Rather, it is demeaning to women to suggest that unless they take on the role of a man, they somehow are less valuable. Consider the other side for a second. Women uniquely bear children. Men are unable to do so, and it oftentimes serves to create a greater bond between the woman and the child early on. Not only is the woman uniquely able to give birth to the child but even able to produce sustenance for the child in the early months of the child’s life. These are things that men cannot do. Does this mean that a man is less of a parent to the child than the woman? Of course not. Rather, we would say that though the man and the woman are equal in value, they have unique roles so that each is needed.
Another response to the suggestion that the call to submit to another makes one of lesser value than another is disputed within the nature of the Godhead itself. Consider God the Son, for example. He is equal to the Father. In fact, in John 5:23, we are told that we must honor the Son “just as” we honor the Father. Each is equally deserving of honor, for each is himself God. Yet, consider that Jesus, in his time on earth, submitted to his Father without exception and even on that final day when Christ reigns over all, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 15:28 that the Son will submit himself to the Father.
And, lest we think that this command for the wife to submit herself to her husband is somehow limited to certain cultures or societies, Paul tells us that the reason wives should submit themselves to their husbands is because it “is fitting in the Lord.” That is, regardless of what culture or society in which you live, this is the fitting design of the Lord for wives to submit to their husbands.
Practically, what does this mean? It means that the wife helps her husband and follows his leadership. It does not mean that the woman is simply to be passive. Rather, she will need to point out her husband’s sin to him as a sister in Christ and encourage him along the way. Just Friday, Lili and I celebrated our anniversary, and the last eleven years have been witness to several times when my wife has aided me in seeing and repenting of my sin, has helped me to see my thinking was wrong, and has forgiven me for my numerous failures. Yet, at every point, she has been willing to follow my leadership, guidance, and care for her. She has let me love and lead her.
And Paul addresses the husband as well, which is interesting. I don’t say it’s interesting because we wouldn’t expect it as believers familiar with the Bible. We know that Paul lays commands upon the husband as well. But it’s interesting because this kind of thing would not have been common in the writings of this day. You can find many writings of that day that deal with a wife and how she is to submit to her husband, but it is not common to exhort the husband in caring for his wife. Yet Paul does just that, saying in verse 19, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
As Paul pictures the wife submitting to the husband’s leadership, so he pictures the husband committed to loving and caring for his wife. The husband, we know from Ephesians 5:22-33 is to be willing even to die for his wife. What this means practically is that the husband does not bear authority in the marriage so that he might serve his selfish ends. Husbands do not honor Paul’s command to lead by barking at his wife, “Woman, make me a sandwich!” He is not to be harsh with her but gentle and loving.
For the husband, his wife is a treasured gift given from God to help him. Therefore, she is to be guarded, cared for, protected, nourished, and loved as such. What a dishonor to God when we do not cherish and nourish his gifts to us. Therefore, our leading may mean that on occasion we step in and say to our wives, “You need to take a break from your labors with the children and go out for the day.” Then, command them to do so guilt-free because this decision is not theirs but yours, since you have been given the task of loving them and cherishing them.
So, in an ideal, biblical marriage you have a husband loving his wife and gently leading her as she joyfully submits to him, helps him, and builds him each. In such a marriage each partner finds great delight in fulfilling this role because it actually gives great benefit to one’s spouse and oneself. What woman would not want to submit to a man who is committed to caring for, providing for, protecting, loving, and leading his wife? And what man would not want to do all of these things for a wife who is willing to submit to him in the Lord?
Yet there’s also a note we must make in our minds as we consider each of these verses. It is this: verses 18 and 19 are not connected to each other in the sense that if one is disobeyed then the other need not be obeyed. That is, Paul does not say that wives are to submit to their husbands only as the husband loves his wife or that husbands are to love their wives only as the wife submits to him. Rather, each individual is commanded to obey God’s commands to him or her simply because he or she is a child of God. So, wives, do not ask yourself, “How worthy do I think my husband is?” as you consider whether you will submit to him or not. Rather, as yourself what does God command of me? And as long as submitting to your husband does not cause you to sin against God, then you can submit to your husband, knowing that it is pleasing to the Lord. And, husbands, you should do the same, not asking if your wife is particularly lovely but simply asking what God commands of you. And he commands us to love our wives.
Yet Paul moves from the sphere of marriage to the sphere of the parent-child relationship as well.
Paul writes in verse 20, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Children, if you want to honor and obey the Lord, one of the most important things you need to be doing is obeying your parents. And this isn’t limited to things like coming to church with your parents on Sunday mornings when they tell you to get in the car (though it definitely includes that). It also means that you obey them when they tell you to make your bed, put your dirty clothes in the washing machine, brush your teeth, or whatever they might command you to do. And as you do, you are obeying the Lord.
What this means is that if your parents tell you to do something, and you are tempted to ask, “Why?” instead you can go ahead and answer the question yourself in a fundamental way and say to yourself, “I am to obey what they say because God tells me to do, and as I do, it is pleasing to him.” So, your first response should be to obey, and your parents can tell you whether they want you to ask them why or not after that. But your first response should be to obey – not because your parents are great or cool or smart or helpful but simply because God commands you to obey them. Now, we could have some questions about this as well, such as “When are we considered children?” That is, are we to obey our parents as long as they are alive so that if you are yourself an older man with grandchildren and yet your father is still alive you should obey him? I don’t think that’s what Paul is picturing. Rather, I would suggest that Paul envisions all those who are still dependent upon their parents for provision and protection to obey them. Once, however, you are on your own, you are not necessarily commanded to obey them, and yet you must always honor them. I think that’s the idea Paul has in mind here as he tells “children” to obey their parents.
And yet, Paul doesn’t simply address the children. He says, “Father, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (v. 21). Now, why does Paul move from talking about parents to focusing just on fathers? I think the reason he addresses fathers particularly in verse 21 is because the father holds final authority here. That is, he is the one ultimately responsible because even though the parents are both over their children, the husband is to lead his wife. So, ultimately the father is responsible for his children’s upbringing, even if the mother does more with the children directly.
But what does this mean not to provoke your children? Well, the word seems to suggest the idea of provoking a rebellious attitude in their children. But what kind of parenting does Paul suggest would provoke a rebellious attitude? Perhaps we are best helped here by considering the final phrase of verse 21: “lest they become discouraged.”
The idea seems to be that Paul is telling fathers not to make it impossible for their children to please them. That is, do not let your demeanor toward your children be simply that of noting and punishing their disobedience. This is not to say that we should shrink back from disciplining our children. If we do this, we are actually shrinking back from loving them. I just explained to Luke the other day when he had to get a spanking that I did this because of my love for him. I explained to him that if his rebellion was not curbed, then he would eventually hurt himself and others. So, it might be compared to someone running toward a gigantic cliff when you run over and tackle them before they arrive at the ledge. It may be that the person gets himself up, complains about the blood that is now coming from his arm as he skinned it on the ground, but ultimately is for the individual’s good. So, Paul is not suggesting that we back off from disciplining our children.
Rather, I think Paul is reminding us to make sure that we’re not always looking to pounce on our children with disapproval but are looking for ways to encourage them and remind them of our love as well. We must let them know that our relationship as parent and child is one built upon our love for them and care for them, and the child must not doubt it. In fact, it is important that our children see our discipline stemming from our love for them and not simply as from a constant frustration with them. Otherwise, our children might grow discouraged, thinking that we are impossible to please. And the most important reason we are to handle our children this way is because it allows them to have a picture of the way in which God relates to us.
As believers, I think most of us default toward thinking we’re bearing God’s condemnation against us. Something happens, and we default toward thinking God is ready to pounce on us. Or, we consider that God might be disciplining us, and we think this means our ultimate doom. Rather, discipline from God is our loving Father saying, “I’m not going to let you run off that cliff because I love you.” Even as the discipline of a loving father should bring you closer to him, so God disciplines us so that we might turn away from sin and toward him in love.
But that’s best pictured in the home. That’s why we’re commanded not to provoke our children so that they become discouraged but to love them, delight in them, encourage them, and make sure they know that our discipline (though painful it may be) is rooted in our deep and abiding love and care for them. Finally, then, Paul addresses the workplace.
Now, our first response here might be, “Not so fast.” After all, Paul doesn’t mention an employee or employer in these verses. Rather, he talks about masters and slaves. However, slavery in this time wasn’t like it was in 18th and 19th century America. Some slaves were slaves because they were captured in war, that is true, but a number of slaves voluntarily became slaves of someone simply to escape poverty. And the slaves of the Greco-Roman world could be anything from physicians to educators to a number of other tasks.1Thus, slavery in the Greco-Roman world is most akin to the employee in 21st century America. Therefore, I think it is fair to say that Paul’s commands to slaves is fitting for us to hear as employees and his commands to masters is fitting for us to apply to those who are employers.
So, with that said, what does Paul say to slaves/employees? He says in verse 22, “Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.” Clearly sets out that our ultimate master is the Lord, not man, and he alone should be feared. Yet, he envisions employees obeying their employers, and not just when the boss is looking and it would make you look good, but at all times, sincerely in our hearts.
But how do you motivate yourself to do that? Paul tells them, “Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality” (vv. 23-25). We motivate ourselves by remembering that we serve our employers not necessarily because they hold our greatest allegiance but because by obeying them, we are serving the Lord Jesus Christ, before whom we will give an account one day.
So, what this means is that when everyone else is slacking off in the workplace, you can work hard. And if your fellow employees ask you why, you can be ready to give a reason for the hope within you.
Yet, he doesn’t just focus on employees but on employers as well, saying in 4:1, “Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.” That is, those of you who are over others in the workplace, remember that there is one who is over you. Therefore, treat everyone fairly and justly. Do not show favoritism and do not deprive your employees of their merits.
Ultimately, it seems that the Bible envisions Christians standing out in society. We should have marriages that picture the gospel, parent-child relationships that honor the Lord, and employee-employer relationships that draw attention to the glory of our God. People in our society should long to hire Christian employees, even if they hate Christ because they know we will obey them and work sincerely, knowing we are serving the Lord. They should long to work for Christian employers, knowing that they will be treated justly and fairly.
We live in a world ordered by our God where authority plays a big role in the home and the workplace. And as believers, we are uniquely blessed to be able to labor in this role because we know what it’s like to be under an authority, for Jesus is not just our Savior but our Lord. And, we know what it’s like to use our authority to bless others even as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many, as he did when he lived, died, and was raised for our justification. Therefore, let us come to the table now, remembering the gospel, and praying for God’s grace to live in a way in our homes and in the workplace that will draw attention to our great and glorious God. Amen.