It’s been said that no one likes change. In reality, though, it seems we all want change. We would like to change the way we look, our jobs or job status, where we live, how skilled we are at certain tasks, what we drive, and on and on. We’re people who are always hungering for change. And as much as there is a need to come alongside some individuals and exhort them to have some ambition, for most of us we need contentment, don’t we? Most of us struggle with being content with our situation and lot in life.
In fact, our discontentment with our lot in life can grow so strong that we actually deceive ourselves into thinking that if only we were in a different situation we would serve the Lord more effectively and passionately and maybe even sin less. Perhaps we think if only we were married, or single, or had children, or didn’t have children, or had more obedient children, then we would be much more effective for the kingdom. And if we find ourselves tempted to think that way, then we can perhaps take comfort in knowing that this temptation is not new to us. So many times we’re tempted to think that we’re the first generation to want struggle in this way or that, but the Corinthians, as we’ll see throughout chapter 7, were struggling with this very issue.
It seems that at least a group in the church were longing to be in a different setting in life. If they were married, they were longing to be able to live as if single, and some were hoping that they could indeed becoming single, divorcing their spouses. So, Paul writes in chapter 7 to correct some of their views.
Chapter 7 begins a section in the book of 1 Corinthians where Paul responds to matters that the Corinthians had first written to him about. You see this at the beginning of chapter 7 where Paul begins by saying, “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote,” and then quotes them. This continues through the rest of the book so that we read, for example in chapter 8, “Now concerning food offered to idols” and in chapter 12, “Now concerning spiritual gifts.” So here the matters taken up in chapter 7 seem to regard marriage. We will see that in verses 1-16 this morning, but you can also see this in verses 25-40 where Paul continues to address categories of marriage, singleness, and betrothal. Therefore, this chapter seems to be devoted to the issues related to marriage.
However, there seems to be an exception. In the text we’ll look at next week (vv. 17-24) Paul begins to speak of being circumcised or uncircumcised, being a bondservant or someone who was free and the like. So, why does Paul insert this odd section in the midst of a chapter about marriage? Well, Gordon Fee I think is right to note that this section (vv. 17-24) is not an exception after all.1 He notes that if you look closely at verses 17-24 what you find is the repetition of an idea that someone should stay as they are and serve the Lord in whatever situation they were at when the Lord called them. We see this in verse 17, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him,” verse 20, “Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called,” and verse 24, “So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.” Paul’s point in these verses is, then, whatever position or situation you were in when you came to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, just remain in that position or situation and serve the Lord.
Now, why does Fee think this isn’t an exception in a chapter where the rest of the verses deal with issues and situations relating to marriage? His answer is that if you look closely at the other issues Paul takes up, his argument is the same, namely, “Stay as you are.” Are you married? Stay married. Are you single? Stay single. And so Paul continues throughout this chapter.
And it seems that Fee is right. If you look at the situations in our text this morning, you’ll see that Paul addresses married couples in verses 1-7, unmarried and widows in verses 8-9, married couples in which both the husband and the wife are believers in verses 10-11, and married couples in which one of the spouses is an unbeliever in verses 12-16. But in each case, you might say that his exhortation can be summed up in the words of Gordon Fee: “Stay as you are.” And interestingly, in each case, Paul provides or addresses an exception in each situation.
So, why does Paul address these issues? Well, it seems that it’s because the Corinthians were tempted to wish they were in a different setting or situation in life. It seems that they struggled with contentment in their situations just like we do. Perhaps they even argued that if their situation was different, they could serve the Lord faithfully. So Paul writes to correct their thinking, and as we read Paul correcting their thinking I believe we will find it instructive in our lives as well, perhaps even addressing the very situations in which we find ourselves and perhaps find ourselves struggling.
Therefore, let’s take each of the areas that Paul speaks to and see what he says. First, Paul says:
When Paul begins chapter 7, he makes clear that he is addressing matters that they wrote to him about. And the first thing he does in verses 1-7 is respond to a specific statement that the Corinthians had written to Paul, namely, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” (v. 1).
That is, just as there were some in Corinth who were saying that God gave us bodies so that we can be sexually immoral with them and Paul puts a stop to that thinking in 6:12-20, so there are others who are saying that it is best not to have sexual relations at all – even though they are married! Maybe they were thinking that if they didn’t engage in sexual relations they would be more holy. Maybe some were even pointing to Paul and saying, “Paul, since you’re obviously holy and obviously single, not engaging in sexual relations with a wife, so it is obviously good for those of us who aren’t married not to engage in sexual relations either so that we might be spiritual like you.” Perhaps they were even pointing to Jesus who obviously never engaged in sexual relations with a wife since he was never married in his incarnation.
But Paul corrects them, noting that sexual intimacy in marriage is a weapon against the temptation to sexual immorality. He writes, “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (v. 2). That is, one reason why the Corinthians should not try to live as single people within marriage (that is, remain celibate) is because if they are celibate within marriage, it will provide a greater temptation to sexual immorality.
Now, this isn’t to say that getting married and having regular sexual relations with your spouse is the only necessary weapon in fighting the temptation to sexual immorality. I think every married person knows better, understanding that we must be disciplined in a number of different ways to fight against sexual immorality. But Paul is acknowledging that it is one weapon that can be used in the fight.
Imagine, for example, that you have a man who decides that he wants to be spiritual and envisions spiritually as abstaining from sexual intimacy. Therefore, he refuses to be intimate with his wife. Well, then, his wife is now more susceptible to the temptation to sexual immorality, especially in a culture where other men make clear to her in some way that they would be willing to be intimate with her. In those cases, the husband has left his wife more vulnerable to the temptation to sexual immorality. That’s Paul’s argument.
Therefore his exhortation is not to deprive one another of sexual intimacy within marriage. After all, Paul argues, once you were married, you relinquished authority over your own body and gave that authority to your spouse. So, he writes in verse 4, “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
For this reason, I would think it wise for married couples to make it a rule that they will if at all possible not refuse their spouses when they initiate sexual relations. In Paul’s words, “Don’t deprive one another” (v. 5a). Yet I would also remind us that we’re to deal with one another in an understanding way, so that you might exercise care in trying to gauge where your spouse is. Just as there are times when you know you shouldn’t ask your wife to stay home with the kids one night after she’s had a terribly difficult day with them, so there are times when husbands, for example, need to be understanding and no doubt and not ask too much commitment of their wives in regard to regularity of sexual relations. But not having sexual relations must never become the standard, lest Satan take advantage of the situation and tempt you because of your lack of self-control. The rule must be that we seek some level of regular sexual intimacy within marriage.
So, Paul’s exhortation, as we said here is, “Stay as you are.” Don’t try to live like a celibate single person if you’re married. Live as a married person. Don’t deprive one another of such intimacy. However, Paul then does make a concession or exception. He writes in verses 5-6, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.”
Paul acknowledges that there might be a time when a couple decides to refrain from sexual intimacy for a while. Paul envisions a situation in which you might treat this situation like you do fasting. Eating food is good and right. There’s nothing unspiritual about eating. However, you might decide to fast from food for a while simply to dedicate yourself to praying for a while. Paul acknowledges that a couple could do the same thing in regards to sexual relations. However, he argues that if this is done, both spouses must agree, and it should be for a limited time that you agree together on at the outset. Otherwise Satan could come and tempt one or the other spouse to sexual immorality.
And Paul acknowledges that this is a concession, not a command. It’s not as if every couple has to have a time of fasting from intimacy. But if you wanted to for the purpose of prayer, then it would be okay to do within the guidelines Paul lays out.
And Paul sums it up as a realist. He writes, “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” (v. 7). That is, Paul wishes that all were single. But he understands that all are not given a gift to be able to walk in singleness, and so he acknowledges that marriage is acceptable, good, and right. And if you are married, you then should not and indeed cannot try to live as a single person.
And then in verses 8-9 Paul moves on to the next group:
Paul now addresses the unmarried and widows. Some have asked why Paul addresses the group this way. If unmarried means “unmarried” then why address widows separately? After all, aren’t they in that first group of unmarried? Well, some have answered by saying that what we translate as “unmarried” probably should be translated “widowers,” so that Paul is addressing here widowers and widows. Others have simply noted that Paul is likely aware that there are a number of widows in Corinth and so notes his awareness of their particular situation in addressing the unmarried so that Paul is noting those who have not married and those who are no longer married because their husband has died. Whatever the case, his exhortation is the same.
He writes, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (vv. 8-9).
Again, you can see the general exhortation in the words of Fee: “Stay as you are.” Are you unmarried? Stay unmarried. Are you a widow? Stay unmarried. Now, Paul doesn’t go into detail here as to why he would like the unmarried, if possible, to remain unmarried. He’ll go into that more when we look at verses 25-40 in a few weeks, where he’ll acknowledge that singleness gives one a greater freedom to devote oneself in service to the Lord. After all, when someone gets married the individual rightly devotes himself to care for a spouse in addition to ways he or she can serve the church, etc. Therefore, I’ll say to our unmarried and widows, Paul would prefer (all things being equal) for you to remain unmarried and pursue giving yourself in devotion to the Lord. If possible, make that your first option.
However, Paul notes a concession here, realizing that not everyone is able to remain single because they desire marriage and need it to fight against sexual immorality. In that case Paul says that though he would prefer an individual to remain single, it is better that they marry than that they refuse marriage and the weapon it can be against sexual immorality and instead burn in their passions.
So, Paul speaks clearly. All things being equal, remain single. But all things aren’t equal. Paul acknowledges that in verse 7, saying, “Each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” And if you’re not equipped to walk through life as a single person, then marriage is okay.
Now, to those who are married and believers:
In verses 10-11 Paul addresses another group, namely, the married couple where both husband and wife are believers. He writes to them, “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband, . . . and the husband should not divorce his wife.”
Now, I’ve skipped the section at the beginning of verse 11, and I’ll come back to it, but before I do, let me note a few things. First, when Paul says, “Not I, but the Lord,” this isn’t Paul’s way of saying that what he’s saying now is really inspired by the Lord as if what he’s said to this point are just his thoughts that they could take or leave. No, what Paul says is authoritative since he writes as an apostle, being inspired by the Holy Spirit. What he’s saying here though is that what he’s about to say was addressed by the Lord himself in his earthly ministry. Therefore, Paul’s not saying anything that the Lord himself didn’t say in his earthly ministry.
Second, when Paul uses the word “separate” in verse 10 and the word “divorce” in verse 11, he is not meaning two different things. That is, Paul is not here contemplating some kind of legal separation where the couple does not divorce, remains married, but is separated from one another. He’s not telling the wife she can’t separate from her husband and the husband that he can’t divorce his wife, somehow perhaps opening the door for the wife to divorce her husband and the husband to separate from his wife. No. These are simply parallel statements. The believing husband and wife simply should not divorce one another.
Now, we could talk about cases of adultery where divorce seems to be permissible, as we see in Matthew 19, but since we’ve looked at those texts at other points and will look at them again, let’s focus on what we have here in front of us. After all, in Matthew 19 and in 1 Corinthians 7, the rule is the same: Christians should not seek to divorce one another. Again, there may be an exception as we see in Matthew 19, but the rule is the same: don’t divorce.
That’s clearly what Paul says here. And you could see how the Corinthians might have been tempted in this area. Suppose they were thinking that celibacy is the way to go if you want to be really spiritual. So, they had written to Paul saying, “It’s good for us not to have sexual relations, isn’t it?” Paul responds, “Well, if you’re married, then you need to have sexual relations with your spouse.” And you can imagine if this letter were being read out loud then after getting past what Paul writes in the first five verses the Corinthians could be thinking, “Okay then, I’ll just divorce my spouse. That way I can devote myself to celibacy and not have the commitment to my spouse.” But Paul says, “No.” Christians shouldn’t divorce one another. That was not God’s design. His design was that we marry and remain faithful to one another for life, even as we picture the relationship of Christ and his church.
However, Paul does acknowledge here that divorce occurs. So what should you do if you’re already divorced from your believing spouse? More complicated, what if your believing ex-husband or ex-wife are not even around? Well, Paul gives two options. He writes in verse 11, “If she does [that is, if she has divorced her husband], she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.” If you’ve been divorced as a believer from your believing spouse, then either you should be reconciled to your ex-spouse or remain unmarried.
So again, the rule: don’t divorce your believing spouse. And the exception: if you have divorced, then you must remain unmarried or be reconciled to your spouse whom you divorced.
Now, there is one final group Paul addresses, namely, the couple where one spouse is a believer and one is an unbeliever. And again Paul makes clear his command.
Now, you can imagine how the Corinthians would be tempted to divorce their unbelieving spouses if indeed they thought the celibate life was to be desired above all else. If they thought it was okay to address your believing spouse, then certainly it would be okay to address your believing spouse. But Paul says otherwise.
He writes in verses 12-13, “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.”
So the situation Pau is imagining is one where a married couple hears the gospel and one of them becomes a believer. The other might, at that time decide he or she wants a divorce. But, if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay married, Paul says to the believing spouse, stay married. After all, as Paul writes in the last sentence of verse 15, “God has called you to peace.” Therefore, stay married.
But someone might express some concern about uncleanness. After all, Paul has just noted in our prior section of text (6:12-20) that when we’re united with a prostitute, we become one flesh with her. Therefore, they might say, “But I don’t want my body to become one with an unbeliever.” But Paul encourages them to see that it doesn’t work that way. He writes in verse 14, “For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”
Paul says that the Corinthians have misunderstood if they are afraid of being made unclean by being with their unbelieving spouse. Yes, if you commit sexual immorality, you’re sinning. But if you are united intimately with your spouse, even if he or she is an unbeliever, you’re not made unholy. Actually, it is a holy union because it’s taking place within marriage. And though believers must not seek to be married to unbelievers, if there is a marriage between believer and unbeliever, it is a legitimate marriage. It has the same status as the marriage between two believers in that it is a legitimate, real marriage. It is holy. So, why would you divorce your spouse? If you thought it made you unholy, then the kids would be unholy as well, and you would need to separate from them – the product of a holy and unholy person. But obviously the kids are not forever unclean because they came from a couple where one was a believer and one wasn’t. The Corinthians knew that, so apply the same thing to their unbelieving spouse. As their children are legitimate children, so your spouse is legitimately your spouse and your marriage a legitimately sanctified union of husband and wife.
And because of that, Paul wants them to know, your spouse has now been brought into a sphere in which hopefully your influence and witness will lead to their salvation. This is why he tells them in verse 16, “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” Now, this is a little hard to tell through the translation, but idea of the last phrase of verse 15 and the sentence in verse 16 is this. Paul is telling them not to divorce because God has called them to peace. Then, he’s saying, “After all, your marriage might even be used to bring about your unbelieving spouse’s salvation. We don’t know. So, why abandon it?”
Again, stay as you are. But, again, the concession. Paul writes in verse 15a, “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved." Paul’s been exhorting them to stay married to their unbelieving spouse in the situation that the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay married. But if that unbelieving spouse isn’t, Paul says, let the divorce take place. You’re not bound to the married in that situation. The unbelieving spouse can legitimately divorce you, and if so, let it be.
So, here we have four different situations, four different groups, and numerous exhortations and concessions. But there is one uniting theme: if possible, stay as you are.
Now, I know that some of us are in a hard situation. Some of you aren’t married and wish you were. In fact, you read Paul’s exhortation, “Get married” and think, “I wish it were that easy.” And you’re single, wishing you weren’t. Others are married, and your marriage is difficult. Perhaps you’re married to an unbeliever, and life is hard, and you wish it were easier. Others have been widowed, and that has brought great strain in your life. And here’s what I want to say to all of us, our situations don’t have to change for us to be faithful servants of the Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, the Lord might see fit for your situation to change. He might bring it about. But that doesn’t have to happen before you can serve him faithfully. Wherever you are, you can serve from there. Wherever you are, you can glorify God there.
The Lord who sent his Son to die for us and be raised for us so that he might save us and sent his Son before any of us had ever been born, knew exactly where you and I would be right now. He knew our situation, and he’s seen fit for us to be where we are right now. And right now, in our present situations, he tells us to love him with our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love ours neighbors as ourselves. Therefore, let us come to the table this morning, asking for his grace to obey, and trusting that he will give it. Amen.