Texts like today are why I believe it’s a good practice to preach through books of the Bible. Because if it weren’t for that commitment, I don’t think I’d be drawn to preach from Matthew 19:1-12, as I’m doing this morning. The reason, of course, is because of the difficulties preaching this text brings. The obvious one is that it is a text in which Jesus speaks on divorce, and I doubt that divorce is anyone’s favorite topic. There are godly men who disagree on the issue and perhaps even differing views within our congregation.
In addition to the difficulty of explaining this particular text is having to face the reality that I simply cannot say everything the Bible says about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. There are other texts in Scripture that speak on the issue (e.g. 1 Cor. 7), and it’s simply impossible in one sermon to address the teaching of each different text that informs us concerning these issues. In other words, my intention today is not to preach a sermon about all that the Bible says about marriage, divorce, and remarriage simply because I don’t have time to do that. That’s a worthy topic, and perhaps I’ll take it up one semester in Sunday school, but that’s not my intention today. Rather, my intention is to try to teach, preach, and apply what Scripture teaches us in Matthew 19:1-12.
But both of those difficulties are second in comparison to the difficulty and strain I feel pastorally in preaching this text. As I sat down to write the sermon this week, I kept picturing different people in our congregation, and in each case, I felt a desire to speak to each of them specifically, speak to their situations, and minister to them on this topic. After all, many of us stand in different places in relation to the issues of marriage, divorce, and remarriage in our life experiences. Some of you come from broken homes and have suffered because of the decisions your parents made in regards to marriage and divorce. Some of you are divorced because your spouse was unfaithful or abandoned you. Some of you are divorced, but didn’t have biblical grounds for doing so. Among that group, some are remarried while others have remained unmarried. Some are married and living in healthy, biblical marriages. Some are married, know they should not divorce, but are struggling with how to persevere in marriage in a godly way. Some have never been married and do not desire to be married, while others are unmarried but wish they were married. And the list could go on and on and on.
And the problem is that just as I can’t in one sermon say all that the Bible teaches on these topics, so I can’t speak pastorally in one sermon to every issue that you all, whom I’m been charged to oversee and shepherd, are facing. And I wish I could.
None of these difficulties stops me from preaching this text, however, where we do cover issues concerning marriage, divorce, remarriage, singleness, and the kingdom of God. So, what does Jesus teach us about these topics in these verses? First, he shows us that:
After a beginning note of Jesus’ travels and healing work, we find in verse 3 that the Pharisees decide to enter into confrontation with Jesus again. Matthew writes, “The Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’” And Matthew makes clear that their question wasn’t a genuine one. Rather, they were attempted to test Jesus.
The reason this question was seen as a test for Jesus in the Pharisees’ minds is because they perceived that they were putting Jesus in a difficult position. For one, Moses had written about issues of marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the law in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Therefore, by asking Jesus to comment, they were no doubt hoping that he might contradict Moses and leave himself in a place of dishonoring God’s Word.
Second, no matter what he answered, Jesus was bound to make enemies. There were two schools of Jewish rabbinical thought on what provided biblical grounds for divorce, both attempting to understand Deuteronomy 24:1 where Moses had written, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house …” Each of these groups focused on the phrase “some indecency,” trying to understand what might qualify as grounds for a man to divorce his wife. The Hillel school of thought argued that “some indecency” referred to basically anything: from burning dinner to simply not being as attractive as another woman. The Shammai school of thought, however, took a more conservative stance, arguing that “some indecency” should be limited to sexual unfaithfulness. And groups followed each of these different schools. Therefore, even if Jesus were to agree with one, he’d have to reveal that he disagreed with the other and all those who followed that interpretation. Thus, this guaranteed that Jesus would create some enemies.
Finally, if you’ll remember, Herod had actually imprisoned and later beheaded John for telling Herod that he was wrong to divorce his wife and marry this other woman. Perhaps then, the Pharisees thought, if Jesus lines up with John, maybe Herod will catch news of it, and he will execute Jesus as well. You can see, then, why the Pharisees thought this was a great issue with which to test Jesus.
Jesus responds, however, by pointing them to God’s intention and design for marriage from the beginning. He answers, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (vv. 4-6).
You see, what Jesus is showing is that to dive into questions about when divorce might be permissible is to miss God’s intention. God’s intention from the beginning was not for divorce to occur. That wasn’t God’s design. Rather, he designed marriage to be the union of one man and one woman [note how strongly Jesus emphasizes that marriage is complementary – one man and one woman – by noting that God created them male and female] for life. God joined them together, and therefore man should not separate what God has joined together in marriage.
When we looked at this parallel text in Mark’s gospel I argued that the Pharisees are doing the equivalent of a man who walks into a bank to get a loan, but he begins the conversation with the potential lender by asking, “Now, under what circumstances can I default on this loan and not hurt my credit too bad?” Starting the conversation that way would probably make the bank not want to loan the money, and it misses the main design and intention of a loan. A loan is made so that one party might have a lump sum of money up front and the other might financially profit in the long term as it is paid back. That’s the intention and design for a loan. What governs one party defaulting on the loan is only brought up if one party is unfaithful to the contract. So, to start out of the gate wanting to know when and how defaulting is least damaging is missing the whole intention and design of the thing.
Therefore, Jesus makes clear that our starting point must be to think of marriage as the union of one man and one women for life. That is its design and intent. We do not do pre-marital counseling discussing under what circumstances divorce might take place. We do not conduct wedding ceremonies where the pastor covers what to do if one of the two individuals is unfaithful or abandons the other. Rather, we discuss God’s intention and design for marriage, promise to be faithful to the Lord’s commands, and are joined in marriage.
In this sense, then, divorce should be a somewhat mysterious issue to those who grow up in a healthy local church culture. This isn’t to say that we won’t deal with and face divorce in a local church. Of course we’ll have to deal with it and I’ll speak more about that shortly. However, the children who grow up in a healthy local church should see numerous couples who are united in marriage, walk in faithfulness, stay together through difficulties, and are only separated by death. That should be the rule. And I’m thankful that this is precisely what we’ve seen, by God’s grace, here at Cornerstone. I can’t thank God enough for his grace in allowing that to be the case. And it means that we need to continue to hold up this glorious vision of the design and intention of God in marriage before one another, namely, one man and one woman faithfully bound to one another for life.
Additionally, we see that:
As Jesus mentions God’s design and intent for marriage, quoting from Genesis 1-2, the Pharisees see this as an opportunity to address Jesus from another part of the Mosaic law, saying to Jesus, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” (v. 7). Now, this is a reference, as I noted earlier, to Deuteronomy 24:1-4 where Moses describes a man divorcing his wife as he found “some indecency” with her.
And Jesus acknowledges that the law did indeed allow for divorce, saying, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” (v. 8). Now, this is important for us to note all of the pieces of what Jesus is saying here. First, bracket out the hardness of heart reference for a second and note that Jesus is indeed acknowledges that Moses allowed for divorce. By “Moses” Jesus means the OT law. It did indeed allow for divorce.
Though Jesus references hardness of heart, you couldn’t imagine Jesus saying that “Moses allowed you to worship other gods because of your hardness of heart” or “Moses allowed you to make graven images because of your hardness of heart.” Of course not. The law never made provision for those things, but there were provisions for divorce in the law. That’s what Jesus is saying.
However, he’s also clearly noting that these provisions for divorce only came about because of hardened hearts. What does that mean? It means that though the Lord’s design for marriage never intended divorce, divorce was permitted under the law simply as a concession because vile sin brought about through hardness of heart had taken place. Divorce came about because sin had already taken place. It came about to provide order and legislation for a situation where sin had come in and wreaked havoc. So, the law’s allowance does not reflect the Lord’s intention but the Lord’s concession for dealing with a situation where sin was reigning.
We might illustrate it in this way. Imagine that I said to my kids, “I’m going out for a bit to take a jog around the neighborhood. Stay in the house, keep the doors locked, don’t go anywhere for the next half hour, and you’ll be safe. Then I’ll be back.” Then, about twenty-five minutes later, as I’m almost back to the house, I get a call from my son saying, “Dad, I left the house. I took our only car. And now I’m about fifteen miles away from the house, I’ve run out of gas, and I can’t get back to the house. However, I think I am close enough that I can walk to a friend’s house and stay there for the night.” And say, after an unpleasant conversation with my son, I say, “Yes, walk over to your friend’s house, ring the doorbell, talk to his parents, explain the situation, see if they’re okay housing you for the night, and, if so, just stay there.”
Now, in my parental law, did I allow him to stay the night at a friend’s house that night? Technically yes, right? However, that’s not an accurate reflection of my law and intention. What I actually commanded was for my son not to leave the house. That was my design, intent, and command for him. The allowing him to stay at a friend’s house was only a concession in light of an already bad situation where rebellion and sin through hardness of heart had already entered the picture. My allowance is by no means a reflection of my original intent but only a concession that comes about once sin has entered the picture. Such is what Jesus is showing with God’s original intent in the law and the concession of divorce only being an allowance to deal with hardened hearts that sin against the Lord. It’s an attempt to make the best of a situation where sin has already wreaked havoc. That, I believe, illustrates Jesus’ words in verse 8.
This is why we can say that divorce is always a product of sin. If there were no sin in our world there would be no divorce. And there is only divorce because we are a people who sin. Divorce is always preceded by sin. However, there is more to parse out. As we proceed through the text, we can also add the note that:
Jesus then adds in verse 9, “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Now, in order to understand Jesus’ teaching here, let’s first take the statement without the clause “except for sexual immorality.” In that case, the statement reads, “Whoever divorces his wife … and marries another, commits adultery.” What is Jesus saying here?
What he’s saying is that merely divorcing one’s wife doesn’t simply remove and annul the marriage covenant and the obligations thereof. In other words, if a married man were to one day up and leave his house, drive over to the house of a prostitute, and lie with her, we would call that adultery. And if the man said, “Well, it isn’t adultery because on the way over to her house I decided I simply would declare myself no longer married to my wife,” we would tell him that it doesn’t matter what he declared to himself, “He’s bound to his wife in marriage, and he committed adultery.”
Jesus is saying that the same logic applies if that man indeed fills out all the legal paper work and gives his wife a certificate of divorce before he goes and lies with that other woman. He may tell himself that he’s legally divorced, no longer married, and no longer bound to the marriage covenant he made, but Jesus says, “Don’t fool yourself. You may tell yourself you’re no longer bound to your wife because you gave her that sheet of paper, but you are and therefore you’ve just committed adultery.
In other words, simply filing for divorce does not always end your marriage. In the Lord’s eyes, if the divorce is illegitimate, then you’re still bound to that marriage covenant and thus marrying another is nothing less than an act of adultery. And I’ll say more about that in a second, but first I want to consider now the clause we’ve left out.
Jesus says that whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery except for sexual immorality. That is, Jesus is saying that there is an exception to the rule he’s just established. This is in line with what Jesus stated earlier in Matthew 5:32 when he said, “I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
The exception is in cases where one’s spouse has been unfaithful, committing adultery. In those times, the act of adultery effectively breaks the marriage covenant, allowing the partner to divorce his or her unfaithful spouse without the act of divorce being sin. Now, to be clear, divorce isn’t commanded in those times, but it is permitted on the grounds of sexual immorality, and when it is permitted, the act of divorce is not considered a sinful act, the one divorcing his or her unfaithful spouse is no longer bound to the marriage covenant, and that one may be remarried without the subsequent marriage being an act of adultery. In other words, Jesus is saying that divorce is always the product of sin (at times even of the sin of adultery) but divorce is not always a sinful act.
Now, what I’m arguing here is the traditional position that a majority of evangelicals hold. In fact, the traditional protestant position and view of most evangelicals is that divorce is permissible on two grounds: sexual immorality (adultery) and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (see 1 Cor. 7). And in both cases, since divorce is permissible so also is remarriage permissible. Again, that’s the traditional protestant position of the church, the view of a majority of evangelicals, the view of the Westminster Confession, and my own.1 One respected author interprets this exception clause only applying to the period of legal betrothal, but I don’t think that argument works for a number of reasons (not least of which is that Deuteronomy 24 clearly deals with marriage not betrothal and the Pharisees are asking about marriage, not betrothal, so to understand Jesus to giving an answer regarding betrothal when asked about marriage is straining a bit too much to make this text fit a predetermined view), and I’ve included my argument against this view in the footnote below.2
One reason I think that Jesus is saying that it is permissible and not a sinful act to divorce one’s spouse when one’s spouse has committed adultery is because the Lord does this very thing in regards to his adulterous bride, Israel. In Jeremiah 3:6 ff. the Lord speaks of unfaithful, adulterous Israel who has “played the whore,” and he notes that he “sent her away with a decree of divorce.”
The Scripture seems to recognize that when an individual joins himself or herself in sexual union to another, outside of the marriage, thus committing adultery, that this has the effect of breaking the marriage covenant. For this reason, when the Lord later in Jeremiah 31 speaks of bringing his people back to himself he speaks of making a new covenant with them since they broke the first one by their adultery. Specifically he says, “Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant, with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD” (Jer 31:31-32).
Thus, Jesus teaches that to divorce one’s spouse and marry another is to commit an act of adultery, since he doesn’t recognize your covenantal commitment to your spouse ending with a simple decree of divorce except in cases where the grounds for the divorce is adultery, and in those cases the divorce (permitted, not commanded) is not a sinful act, nor is the act of remarrying an act of adultery.
And finally we can add:
After Jesus’ strong teaching that unless the grounds for divorce is adultery that one must not divorce and remarry, the disciples remark, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (v. 10). The disciples obviously rightly understand God’s original intent for marriage to be a high one, and indeed it is. And in light of committing oneself to one woman for life, they judge that it seems better not to marry.
Now, at this point, I don’t know what they expected Jesus to say, perhaps, “Oh, c’mon guys. You’re overstating the struggle. Quit it” or something like that. But Jesus treats their statement very seriously, saying, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given” (v. 11). That is, Jesus is saying, “Yes, all things being equal, it is preferable [i.e. the same thing 1 Cor. 7 teaches]. But all things aren’t equal, and not all have this gift of being able to remain single.”
Jesus uses the image of a eunuch to represent the single person noting that some are eunuchs from birth, meaning that they’re committed to singleness, unable to marry because of some genetic issue perhaps or because they don’t have a healthy attraction for the opposite sex. In those cases, it is important for them to remain single, for holiness requires it. Some are made eunuchs by men, referencing individuals who in this barbaric world may be castrated, for example, and in those cases, these individuals would also remain single. And others voluntarily choose to be single so that they can devote themselves wholeheartedly to the Lord and in service of the kingdom, and if one can do this, he should. But obviously, not all have been given the grace for that task.
But this ending helps us pastorally, I think, to remember that wherever we are in life, whatever our situation, the call is holiness. In a difficult marriage, persevere in holiness. Have you been sinned against by a divorce or marital unfaithfulness? Forgive and obey and pursue holiness where you are. Have you sinned by divorcing and remarrying when you shouldn’t? Then repent, ask for forgiveness by all those hurt by your sin, and walk in faithfulness in your present marriage. Wherever you are in life today, let our response to this text be that we want to obey the Lord and walk in holiness before the one who obeyed even to the point of death for us, for his resurrection means that we will one day be raised to be with him forever. So let’s give thanks now as we come to the table. Amen.