In the church today (so say some various sources), we are divorcing at a rate of fifty percent. Or to say it another way, one out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Yes, we should be appalled by this, but we have probably been more than appalled by it – it is likely that our lives have been touched by it. Probably even within our families we know of someone who has been divorced. Because this has touched individuals in my family and so many of us here, I determined last year to make sure that I address this topic at least once a year. Therefore, this morning I am following up on what I purposed to do in my heart around this time last year.
In one sense, it falls at an odd time for me preach this message because my Lili (my wife who is my precious gift from God) is out of town, visiting a friend in D.C. Yet in a few other ways, it comes at a perfect time in my life. For one, I was able to celebrate my one year anniversary a few weeks back, and as I did, I was able to reflect of the beauty of marriage and the blessing God has given me in my wife. Therefore, much of what God has brought me to this morning is what I have been thinking about for the past month. Second, I came back into town last night from being with a friend with whom I grew up, participating in his wedding to a godly, beautiful young woman. It is one of those marriages that God has obviously orchestrated for the advancement of his kingdom and glory.
As I was up in Kentucky with my friend and his (now) wife this weekend, I found myself meditating on this passage from Ephesians 5:22-33. The reason I was in Ephesians was because I was searching for something that I think is overlooked in so many marriages. However, though I knew that it was overlooked, I didn’t know exactly what it was. For I could see couples around me who treasured marriage (or more specifically one another), understanding the magnitude of that which they were living out, while I saw many others who weren’t. So as I opened my bible this weekend, my prayer was that God would show me what this thing is that makes marriage of such great magnitude. And I believe that he opened my eyes to it in this passage. In fact, as I realized the truth of this passage in my heart Friday afternoon, I cried at the magnitude of this great thing called marriage.
So what makes marriage of such great magnitude?
Paul answers this question in the latter part of the passage. In it, Paul is giving instructions to wives in the first three verses and to husbands for most of the remaining verses. His argument is easy to follow as he describes the union of the husband and wife and then compares it to the union between Christ and the church. And the climax seems to be in verse 31 as he quotes Genesis 2:24 to show the roots of his argument as understanding the “one fleshness” of the man and woman in marriage. But then in verse 32, he throws everything off. Just as you are thinking that he is pulling in Genesis 2:24 to show the union of the husband and wife, Paul says in verse 32, “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.”
And with that, I believe Paul is saying, “By quoting Genesis 2:24, I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” Now that is surely a great “mystery,” as Paul says. For how can he use a text that obviously is used in its context to speak of Adam and Eve’s union? I mean, if you go back and read, verse 24 follows Adam’s remark in verse 23 as he sees his wife and says, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called women because she was taken out of man.”
It doesn’t make sense. How can Paul reference Genesis 2:24 and then refer to Christ and the church? This is indeed a great mystery of which Paul speaks.
As I sat, read, and meditated on this passage Friday, I began to pray and ask the Holy Spirit within me to open my eyes to understand what was this great mystery. And as it became clear to me, my heart started racing, and I ended that period of study crying in the restaurant where I was sitting.
This mystery of which Paul speaks is more clearly understood when you begin to see how he has spoken of this throughout this epistle. For upon looking at chapter 3, it becomes more clear. Paul writes in Ephesians 3, “For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles – if indeed you have heard of the stewardship of God’s grace which was given to me for you; that by revelation there was made known to me the mystery, as I wrote before in brief.1 And by referring to this, when you read you can understand my insight into the mystery of Christ, which in other generations was not made known to the sons of men, as it has now been revealed to His holy apostles and prophets in the Spirit; that the Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel, of which I was made a minister, according to the gift of God’s grace which was given to me according to the working of His power …” (3:1-7).
What Paul is saying in this chapter is that God’s plan that was once hidden in history has now been revealed in Christ to the apostles. That is to say that the promise that the Holy Spirit would lead them into all truth is now being fulfilled. Paul and the others are beginning to see God’s plan and what he was doing in redemptive history because they see it in the gospel of Christ. It was always God’s plan to gather Gentiles as his people as well that they might be the seed of Abraham, but it doesn’t make sense until one understands that individuals can be “in Christ,” who is the seed of Abraham; therefore, they are spiritual Jews (and the people of God – e.g. Galatians 3:29).
Now turning back to chapter 5, it becomes a bit clearer to us. The mystery is dealing with the connection between God’s creation and ordaining of marriage in Genesis 2:24 and the relationship the Christ now has with his bride. And I think the “mystery” which Paul is here uncovering is this: marriage was created in Genesis 2 to show us what the relationship between Christ and the church would be like. That is to say that, in Genesis 2, God created marriage the way he did because he was fashioning it so that we might one day understand what the relationship between Christ and his church is like. The apostle is saying that this “mystery” was hidden in a sense for many ages, but now as Christ has come and is gathering a people for himself, we understand it because God had given us marriage even in the beginning that we might understand what is the relationship between Christ and the church. So God did not “half-heartedly” go about throwing together marriage but crafted it to illumine for us (and prophetically point to) Christ and the church. Therefore, in a very real way marriage exists for the glory of Christ. He created it so we could better understand Christ and his work.
Do you see that?
It is just as I said of Solomon on Wednesday night when I said that his reign was crafted that we might better understand the kind of King that Christ is when he announces the kingdom of God is at hand. So as Solomon was the son of David who reigned with dominion and peace on every side of him, so is Christ the greater Son of David who has dominion over all and wars with no man, for none is his equal. So Solomon’s reign (in some sense) was designed so that we could have a picture to understand what is not so easily seen as we proclaim (truthfully) that Christ is king. In the same way, marriage was designed to show us a picture (which is easily seen) so that we might understand that which is not as easily seen – namely, the relationship Christ has with his church. It was God’s intention from the point he instituted marriage to picture the relationship between Christ and his people.
That is the magnitude of the task to which we are called when we are called to marry. Do you see what a high calling one who is marriage find himself or herself in, in light of this? Many of us today are living in union with another person in this thing that was created to show the relationship Christ has with his church – marriage. What an honor!
Therefore, what do we do in light of this?
I will give three things this morning. The first two are directed to wives and then to husbands, respectively, and they come directly from Paul’s words. The final one is not directly stated here, but it is definitely implied in light of the purpose for which marriage as created (refer to the above) and is probably not mentioned because it is simply to be understood.
1) Wives are to submit to their husbands.
Paul says this in verses 22, 24, and 33 (In this verse he actually says “respect,” but the idea is similar).
But why are women to do this? They submit to their husbands Paul says in verse 23 because of the order established in creation as the husband was designed to be the head of the wife. But why was it designed this way? It was designed this way because it is to model the relationship of Christ and the church. So the husband is the head because he shows forth the part of Christ in the marriage relationship.
This does not mean that she is oppressed, but that she fulfills her God-given role within the marriage relationship to the glory of Christ. To think otherwise is to listen to the lies of the world whose “wisdom” is less than the “foolishness of God” and misunderstand the privilege and honor of your part in showing forth this mystery.
2) Husbands are to love their wives.
In this role, it is easy for the wife to submit as the husband is fulfilling his role, for he is loving his wife. And how does he love her? Fitting with the model, he loves her “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (5:25).
The husband is to lay down his life in service to his wife. Christ served his disciples, washing their feet (John 13), cooking them breakfast (John 21), and ultimately laying down his life for them that they might have life. He cleansed his bride in his death and resurrection in order that she might be perfect and spotless on that day when he comes back to take her home.
In the same way, we husbands are to serve our wives, giving our lives for them. We are to love them and cherish them. We are to lavish them with the Word of God that we might watch them grow in holiness, purity, and Christ-likeness (5:26-27). And as we do this, we are loving ourselves, for we are one flesh, even as Christ is our groom and we are his bride (5:28-30).
3) We are to be together forever.
Do you see now the bigger picture of why God hates divorce? For marriage was created to show the relationship between Christ and the church; divorce, therefore, sends a false message about that relationship about which it is created to show.
Therefore, may we live with an understanding of the magnitude of the calling and privilege that is found in marriage. Oh to see that everything really does exist for the glory of our Lord!
To Him alone be glory forever. Amen.