In a small group discussion Wednesday night, my small group leader, Chad Davis, pointed out that often truth is presented in a broad and abstract enough manner that it never really makes us critique our own lives. Thus, we might hear that we should be loving and think of our neighbor who really needs to adjust his tone of voice while looking over the many pointed things about our own lives that need adjusting to the standard of Scripture. However, one area in which it is difficult to do this as we look at Scripture is in God’s commands to us regarding marriage and relationships in general. We serve a precise God, and so in this area, he is very precise in his instructions to us.

But marriage, singleness, and relationships, period are some of those areas in which we are forced to look at ourselves. And they are areas that we have to look at daily, and this is unlike some other areas of struggle with which we deal. For example, you might have a struggle gossiping or overeating, and yet there are times when you cannot fall here – for there are times when you are alone and there is no one to speak to or food to eat. However, every day, at every point of the day, if you are married then you are a husband or you are a wife. If you are not around your wife, husbands, you are still a husband, and must therefore know what is expected of you (and the same for wives). In the same way, if you are single, you cannot get away from your singleness. You may physically flee the source of one hundred other temptations, but you cannot flee singleness (unless you get married, of course). And all of us fall into one of these two categories; we are married or we are single. Thus, we need to know what the Bible says about our behavior in these areas of life.

However, be relieved, there is good news. The Bible speaks to these areas of singleness and marriage. It may not be what is easy to hear, but at least God has not left us ignorant of his design for marriage and singleness and his precise expectations within. Therefore, this morning, as we look at 1 Corinthians 7, we are going to explore some of these precise instructions that God has spoken to us through the apostle Paul in his letter to this people.

First, let me make some prefatory remarks about this chapter. The first point is one of clarification. Paul makes some confusing statements like that which we see in verse 10, namely, “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord) …” Or again, he writes in verse 12, “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) …” Now this could be confusing to us if taken out of context. For is Paul saying in verse 10 that this isn’t just Paul’s thought but God’s inspired Word while in verse 12 that these are just Paul’s thoughts but they cease to be God’s inspired Word? Absolutely not! So, what then is he saying? In verses 10 and 12, Paul is simply trying to make clear in verse 10 that while Jesus walked the earth he spoke the words Paul was quoting in verse 10 but Jesus did not, at that time, speak the words that Paul was writing in verse 12. In other words, he was simply saying in verse 10, “I’m quoting Jesus here,” while in verse 12 he is not quoting the Lord. However, because Scripture itself claims to be inspired by God himself (2 Timothy 3:16-17), then all of it is God’s inspired Word and is his instruction to us. Therefore, we should be careful in our conversation of elevating of the words of Jesus as if they are really God’s commands above the others. For the entire Bible is God’s Word to us.

The second prefatory remark is that the Bible is pointed in its instruction, and so this morning you need to gear yourself to look very pointedly at your own life and examine it to see if you have bought into a worldview of marriage or singleness put forth by the culture or are honoring God in these areas. And with those things said, let’s see what the Bible says about marriage, singleness, and our service to the Lord therein.

Those who are not married should not be involved in sexual relations, and those who are married should be involved in regular sexual relations his or her spouse

It seems that the Corinthians had written Paul, suggesting that the best thing to do might be to avoid sexual relations, altogether. Possibly they had seen Paul’s own celibate lifestyle and were holding that up as an ideal for married and non-married alike. Paul then responds to this statement by then in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 telling them that if you can handle it, good, never get married and live in singleness, being celibate. However, if you cannot handle it, there is no allowance for sexual relations outside of marriage, and therefore you should get married. And to the married, there is no room for a life of celibacy, but sexual relations should be regular within marriage.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

And here we have some of that pointed instruction. There is absolutely no room for sexual activity outside of marriage. It is sin. It is rebellion against God. And it will bring his judgment. So do not treat sexual sin as something that God winks at in your life. If you are sitting here right now in sexual activity outside of marriage, you should tremble at this word. God does not tolerate sexual activity outside of marriage. So, repent if you are involved. Stop it immediately. Confess your sin and fight against sexual sin as that which endangers your soul.

Now, to the married and those not involved in sexual sin outside of marriage. The expectation of Scripture is not simply that sexual activity is absent outside of marriage but that regular sexual relations are present within marriage. In fact, sexual relations are one of the very reasons for marriage. Marriage is seen as an outlet (the only outlet for such) for sexual relations. That is why Paul can prescribe marriage in verse 9 for those who cannot exercise self-control and whose passion is aflame in them.

Therefore, husbands and wives, do not deprive one another of sexual relations. And I am not saying that because of my own wisdom but because it is the command of Scripture. Paul says, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer.” So if you both agree that you want to practice some time of solitude for prayer, then, great. But even then, Paul adds, “But then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Sexual relations within marriage is a powerful force against the temptation of sexual immorality and therefore should be regular within marriage.

And let me add here too, for I think it is consistent with the principle within this text, that husbands should ensure that they are providing much quality time with their wives. Spend time in conversation, expressing your care and attention to the details of her life. For it seems that (generally) the reason men become involved in adulterous affairs is because they lusted after the physical pleasure they think will be found with the woman, while the reason women are involved in adulterous relationships is because they coveted the attention given to them by that man. Therefore, let us allow marriage to be fulfilling to one another, not denying one another’s needs.

Now, let me make clear here that I’m not saying that if your needs are not being met in marriage you are free to commit sexual immorality, for God’s commands are not qualified by your husband or wife being a good husband or wife. They are simply his commands which must be obeyed. I am saying, however, that because marriage can aid us in fighting sexual temptations, we should not deny one another the pleasure which marriage can provide.

However, for all those who are single and thinking, “I simply cannot wait to be married,” the Bible also speaks to those in a place of singleness. And, in fact, it speaks of the state of singleness as a blessed state before the Lord. Thus we see in this chapter that …

Singleness is a blessing, for it allows for undivided attention to the things of the Lord

None of those who are married have forgotten the struggle in being single when you long to be married. And I have not forgotten it. When I was single, there were times when if you did not want to talk about the disgust of battling with loneliness and the desire of wanting to be married and the great joy that would be found in marriage, then you did not want to begin conversation with me. However, I regret my outlook on singleness from that time in my life, for I think it violates Scripture. For the viewpoint of Scripture is that singleness is a blessed reality that allows for undivided devotion to the things of the Lord.

Listen to these texts throughout the chapter:

7:6-9 – “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this: I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.”

7:25-28 – “Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”

7:32-40 – “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But he married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry – it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is.”

The clear teaching of Scripture is that marriage forces one to divide his attention from simply being about the things of the Lord to being about the things of God andyour spouse, your family, etc. So, husbands cannot isolate themselves from their families and witness, disciple, and study Scripture all day, but a single man might be able to do just that. Husbands cannot make decisions without considering how it will affect his wife, his family, but a single man does not have that to consider.

Therefore, to those who are single, you have a precious gift. It would be sin not to utilize all the advantages of this stage of your life to serve God like you would not be able to do if you were married. So utilize the opportunities provided by singleness to the hilt. Remember every day that you will give an account for how you handled the privileges provided you by God, and your singleness is one of those privileges.

Therefore, if you need to repent of your view of your singleness and ask God to restore to you the Biblical perspective, may you do so this morning in worship to your Lord.

However, this morning if you hear that, are married, and think, “Man, it would be nice to be single,” the Bible speaks against that desire as well, telling us:

A Christian is not allowed to divorce his or her spouse

Paul writes in 7:10-16, “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. Wife, how do you know whether you will your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife?”

It seems that what occurred in Corinth was that Paul came through preaching the gospel and in some homes the husband believed while the wife didn’t, or vice-versa. Therefore, Paul is writing to Christians telling them what they should now do. And to the Christian, he says that divorce is forbidden.

The Christian is not allowed to divorce his or her spouse. Now, yes there is a qualification to this in Matthew concerning sexual sin within marriage, but apart from that, divorce is forbidden for the Christian.

And if you have divorced your spouse not within the boundaries provided in Scripture, then remarriage is only a possibility if you are remarried to your former spouse.

However, the situation is different in regard to lost person within the marriage. Paul tells us that they are not bound. Therefore, if you are married to a lost person, you cannot divorce him or her simply because that is your desire. The Bible forbids it. But they are allowed to divorce you.

And let me add that you must not provoke them to want to divorce you through your unchristian behavior. The commands to the husband or wife in marriage are given regardless of your spouse. So, if you’re thinking, “But my unsaved wife is utterly unlovable”, husbands, you are still expected to love your wife to the point of laying down your life for her. It doesn’t matter how she treats you. You must love her with your life. And if you struggle with that, remember two things: 1) that you are obeying God who has given his Son that you might be his, and 2) that your wife’s soul is a greater asset than your pleasure in this brief time while we are on earth. The same is true for a believing wife with a unbelieving husband. Wives, in these circumstances, you must respect and submit to your husband in areas except where he would lead you to sin. And again, it doesn’t matter how selfish or unrespectable he is, for God commands it and his soul is at stake. If you struggle remember the same things I have said before, and meditate much on 1 Peter 3.

And let me add one other thing. It is not simply your unbelieving husband or unbelieving wife who will be affected by your disobedience here. Why are the roles of the husband and wife so crucial in Scripture? Because marriage is designed after the relationship between Christ and the church. Therefore, just as unholiness in the church lies about the character of Christ, so does a husband lie about Christ who does not lay down his life to love his wife, and a wife lies about the church who does not respect and submit to her husband.

In the same realm may we as believers rightly communicate permanency of Christ’s relationship with his church by banishing the thought of divorce from our minds, thoughts, vocabulary, and actions. And may our concern in marriage be that the testimony about Christ and his church which we will give through our behavior within marriage is indeed an accurate testimony.

Finally, this morning if your situation is one of great struggle. Maybe you’re in a tough marital situation or struggling in your singleness and believe you could honor Christ so much more easily and effectively in another situation, Paul gives us one final point of encouragement and exhortation.

A Christian does not have to be in “the right situation” (in marriage or otherwise) before he or she can serve God’s calling effectively

Immediately after telling these believers that they cannot divorce their unbelieving spouses, you can imagine the thoughts running through their heads. “So, I must remain married to this man with whom I will never be able to pray, or to read Scripture, or …” They had to think that their service to Christ was greatly limited in light of others who seemed to be in ideal places of service. Yet Paul writes to them an encouraging reality in 7:17-14.

He writes: “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him [inference: you can do this where you are – even if it is with an unbelieving husband]. This is my rule in all the churches. Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity. For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.”

Brothers and sisters in challenging situations, know this: God knew your circumstances when he called you to himself. He knew your lot when you were called to serve him. And he will work all things together for good. So this morning, take comfort from God’s word. He knows your situation. He knew it before he called you. He knew it would be hard, and he knows it’s hard now. But he will give you the strength to serve him effectively right where you are. He will enable you to rightly glorify him in the world if that is your desire. So rejoice and be exceedingly glad. For our God is great, and he is good. And he delights in doing good to those who are his.

So this morning, may we in our situation in life serve and honor God so that others may see our works and glorify our Father in heaven, so that others, through our witness might come to be worshipers of him. Amen.

SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, AND THE CALL OF GOD