I remember that feeling of a pit in my stomach as I sat there and tried to answer her heart-wrenching questions. I was sitting on the floor, and she was sitting on the couch, looking at me with tears running down her face, wanting me to tell her why this happened. She knew the Lord, had obeyed the Lord, and now felt like God was allowing a piercing sword to go through her heart. I had only met this girl the day before, but it did seem right that she was directing her questions at me through her pain and her tears. After all, I am a pastor. I’ve given much of my life to the study of theology. If it’s not to be able to help an individual think through difficult issues like this, then what was it for?
But the questions she was asking weren’t easy. She wanted to know why God would allow this great evil to happen. She held to a very high view of God’s sovereignty, knew that he was in control of the world, and wanted to know why he didn’t keep this great evil from destroying numerous people’s lives.
That day, she wasn’t asking me why two planes had flown into buildings in New York, why another had crashed into the Pentagon, or why others had to give up their lives to bring a plane down in Pennsylvania. She was asking me why her dad who’d professed deep love for Christ and had led them often in family devotionals was leaving her mom to marry their neighbor after a long and secretive affair.
You see, I know that today our mental antennas are raised with heightened sensitivity to terrorism, as we remember those terrible events that took place a decade ago. But there is a greater enemy that is crouching at our door. I don’t know anyone personally who was directly affected by the attack on September 11, but I know of numerous individuals who have left pastoral ministry and one who even took his own life after committing adultery. Sexual sin may not be any greater now than it has been in the history of the world, and it would be naïve and foolish to suggest it is. But I believe that our ability to engage in sexual sin is probably easier than it’s ever been in history. If you want to view pornographic images, you no longer have to go find a magazine or rent a movie but can look at it from the privacy of your own dorm room. You can flirt with someone whom you’re “friended” across the country, conjuring up all kinds of affections while sitting at your kitchen table.
Moreover, sexual images are all around us. Rare is the movie preview that does not show us a glimpse of a sex scene. Your eyes can access lustful images as you stand at the checkout at the grocery store. And the plots of numerous television shows are built upon the idea of the joys that come with sexual activity outside of marriage. And we could go on and on and on.
But I don’t want us to make the mistake of thinking that this problem is out there. My intent is not to have us say, “Yeah, where is the culture going? That television show would never have been allowed on the air when I was a child.” There are a couple of reasons my goal is not to stand and preach against what they’re doing out thereSo, does the Bible understand how tempting sexual sin can be? Indeed it does. That’s why in these first nine chapters of Proverbs where Solomon speaks to his sons, he gives most of three entire chapters to this issue of sexual sin. Now, he does deal with a few other issues in 6:1-19, namely, dealing with money, hard work, not lying, etc., but since I’m going to deal with those in the thematic sermons we’ll look at after these first nine chapters, I want to spend our time this morning looking at what it means to live wisely in regard to sexual sin, as we look closely at the teaching of God’s Word from Proverbs 5, 6:20-35, and 7. Therefore, let’s look together at the lessons the father teaches his sons here and apply them to ourselves. The first one is that I’m not charged to oversee them, and even if I were, they’re not in here. Second, it would be the height of hypocrisy for us to get together and demean the morals of those outside the church when sexual sin is destroying our own lives. I mean, do we really think that internet pornography is a problem only with the unbelieving world? Do we really think that only unbelievers are tempted with and have even committed adultery? Do we really think that only the married unbelievers flirt – through whatever means – with people of the opposite sex with whom they’re not married? Of course not. These are our temptations, aren’t they? These are things we struggle with, don’t they?
First, the father reminds the son that . . .
Notice that the father describes the adulterous woman in appealing ways. He says in 5:1-3, “My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your hear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. [Why? Why is it so important? The father answers . . .] For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil.” He notes that she is beautiful, as he says in 6:25, “Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.” Finally, notice how much of an effort she is making to lead the son into sin in 7:4-21, Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister,’ and call insight your intimate friend, to keep you from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words. For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart. She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait [sexual temptation can be found everywhere]. She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, ‘I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; [she might even appear religious] so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you. I have spread my couch with coverings, colored my linens with Egyptian linen; I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon [she smells good]. Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home.’ With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him.” Do you see how in each of these texts, the woman is appealing, seductive, and desirous? This is not the picture of a gross woman coming off to you offering herself for intimate relations. It is a beautiful and crafty woman, who looks good, speaks well, smells good, and is giving you every reason why this will only be good.
This is sending a loud and clear message to those who were first addressed in this text and to us as well that we are dealing with a serious opponent when we think about sexual sin. We cannot for one second let our guard up concerning sexual sin. Many has been the man and the woman who thought they were doing well and left themselves unguarded only to walk down a road of sin.
Gordon Macdonald was an evangelical leader thirty and forty years ago who was greatly admired. He wrote and spoke on spiritual disciplines, and he was moving up the ranks in the evangelical world. At one point someone asked him if there was an area that could trip him up. He ultimately answered that he didn’t know, but then noted that it wouldn’t be his marriage. After all, he and his wife had written on marriage, led marriage conferences, etc. Today, if you google Gordon Macdonald, the first search option that comes up is “Gordon Macdonald affair.”
We do ourselves a great disservice if we do not recognize that sexual sin is crouching at our door, wanting to overtake us, and must be guarded against at all cost.
Consider even the father in this text. The book of Proverbs begins, “The Proverbs of Solomon.” Now, I know as you read through the rest of the book it becomes clear that this book is filled with proverbs from numerous men. However, assuming these first nine chapters at least were written by Solomon, think of how his life ended. He was a young king to whom God gave great wisdom, who loved God, and who instructed his sons in the ways that we’re reading right here. What became of him? First Kings 11 tells us that he took many foreign wives and they turned his heart from the Lord, and the Lord was angry with him and took the kingdom from him. We must first acknowledge that we are at risk in regard to sexual sin and guard ourselves against it. Second, . . .
Notice how the father wants his son to interact with the adulteress. He tells him in 5:7-8, “And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.” Again, in 7:24-25, “And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths.”
The father’s answer to fighting against sexual temptation is to avoid it as much as you can. Don’t think that there’s wisdom is getting right up against sexual temptation and trying not to sin. It is foolish to stand in front of magazines covered with people’s bodies that are hardly clothed and thinking, “Let’s see if I can keep from lusting.” It is foolish to seek out that guy or girl on the internet you know you don’t need to have contact with and think to yourself, “I’ll just keep this from going anywhere.” Your first round of fighting against sexual sin is in doing everything in your power to avoid the temptation from coming.
This is why, for example, I’d recommend that you have covenant eyes on every computer you own and that you make covenant eyes your web browser on your phone or ipad as well. What does covenant eyes do? It sends a report to your accountability partners of everything you look at. What this means for Union students is that even if you can get around Union’s internet filter, you can’t get around this report sent to your accountability partners. If you don’t have something like that on your computer, then you’re being naïve. And if you’re letting your naivety effect the computers in your home so that you leave your children unguarded access to them, then it’s like leaving a loaded gun sitting on your night table while your children play in your bedroom.
Leave yourself little outlet for sin. I can’t tell you everything to do, but what I’m saying to you and me is, “Let’s take every avenue in which sexual temptation can come to us and address it.” I have covenant eyes on my computer, use it as the browser on my cell phone, and have a Friday conversation every week in which I give a report as to how I’ve handled sexual temptation. Why? Because I know that I can fall into it, and I don’t want to. And the greatest weapon I’ve found in my own life is just to cut off as many avenues in which I could be tempted as possible. We fight against sexual temptation primarily by eliminating avenues where we might be tempted – by running from sexual temptation.
Third, . . .
Now, it would be fair to say, “That’s great that we should avoid the very temptation of sexual sin whenever possible, but sometimes the temptation is just going to be there.” And that’s right. It is still true that we should avoid the temptation whenever possible. If you don’t get near the prostitute’s house, there’s no chance you’ll commit sexual immorality with her in her house.
However, it is also true that the prostitute could just approach you while you’re standing innocently on the street – to continue in that illustration. So, do we have weapons to fight in those circumstances? Yes we do. It seems that the text gives us at least three.
First, those who are married need to find themselves delighting in their own spouses. Note what the father says to his son in 5:15-20, “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?”
Do you see what the father is saying here? He’s asking, “Why in the world would you seek out a forbidden woman when you have a wife of your own in whom you can delight?” It makes no sense, does it? So, one way we fight against sexual sin is by seeking out sexual intimacy with our own spouses. And let me add a note to men here for a second. Perhaps it applies to women as well; I’m not sure. But I know it applies to men because I am a man, so I’ll speak to men. Your eyes may have felt like a curse from the enemy when it comes to dealing with lust. We have images all around you. You might just be trying to buy Poptarts at the store and there is an image on a magazine in front of you. However, the Lord has given us our eyes as a blessing. Because we’re made to desire what we behold. I think that’s how the Lord has made men. We desire what we behold. Now, you can see how that can be a curse. If we’re beholding things we shouldn’t desire, then we’re telling ourselves to continually desire forbidden things. But, if we will set our eyes continually on our wives, do you see what a gift it is. It’s telling us that the Lord accounts for even the changes that happen in us as our “outer man” (as the Bible calls our body) wastes away. Listen, Lili pulled out a picture the other day of what we looked like when we got married, and you could probably convince someone that the groom in that photo is my younger brother, because I look so different from the man in that photo. We change. Men and women do. But the Lord, in his gracious provision, has given us this gift that is more precious than gold, and it is the gift of delighting in what we behold. So, if we’ll behold our wives, setting our eyes on them and none other, then we’ll find our delight in them growing and being sustained, I believe, even as we grow old together. And if we instead set our eyes on other women, then we are taking God’s precious gift and using it to work destruction in our lives and in our marriages.
But, some of you are not married, and you’re thinking no doubt, “Please let there be more weapons than delighting in your spouse because I don’t have a spouse.” And there’s good news. There are more weapons. But before I get to those weapons, let me say a word to the unmarried in our congregation this morning. Marriage is a blessing that the Lord may indeed have in store for you. And if so, that’s great. But there can be pressure even in Christian circles to think that you’re not fully a man or a woman if you’re not married or don’t have children. And I want to say to that idea that it is utterly unbiblical. First, that would exclude Jesus and Paul from being considered mature, and any definition of manhood that eliminates Jesus is a poor definition. Jesus was never married, never had children, and never engaged in sexual intimacy. If we considered life not lived unless we have those experiences, then we note that we are saying that Jesus never really experienced life. That is a lie from the devil. Second, the stance of Scripture is not only that it is okay to be single but that it is a preferred position, if you’ll use your singleness in service to the Lord. Multiple times Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that he wishes other believers would remain unmarried as he was. But why? Paul answers it a few different ways, but he’s saying the same thing each time. In 1 Corinthians 7:26 he notes that we live “present distress” and in 7:29 he notes that “the appointed time has grown very short,” and in 7:31 he notes that “the present form of this world is passing away.”
That is, because we are ever so close to the time when Christ would return and there is so much work to be done in taking the gospel to people right here and around the world and because there is much need to labor in others’ lives so that they persevere in the faith, then it is good to be able to give your undivided devotion to the Lord and be spared from the anxieties that come with having a spouse. Again, this doesn’t mean anyone has sinned in getting married and having kids. Of course not. Paul says it’s good and not sin. But he also says it’s even better if you can remain unmarried. So, if you’re unmarried today, don’t you for one second think that within the biblical worldview you’re somehow in this weird, no real category kind of place. The Bible actually says your position is to be desired, so use your place in life as an unmarried person to labor in service of the Lord and his calling.
So, if the Bible says it is blessed to be unmarried, then of course it supplies weapons for the unmarried to fight against sexual sin, right? Indeed. There are two things that singles and married alike can do.
First, we can always remember that our ways are before the eyes of our Lord. The father reminds his son in 5:21-23, “For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He died for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.”
If we have any conscience at all and any conviction of the Holy Spirit at all, we try to sin in secret, don’t we? Not many people commit adultery where they can easily be found. And the reason we do so is because it provides the impression in our minds that what we’re doing, we’re doing in secret. But that is not true. We are always before the eyes of the Lord. So, one weapon we have is simply cultivating the discipline of knowing that we’re always in God’s presence.
Second, we need to hide God’s Word in our hearts. Now, I could point to numerous places in the text where the father tells his sons to keep his commandments and bind them to his heart and hands, but I’ll just point to one. Listen to what the father tells the sons in 7:1-5, “My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, \"You are my sister,\" and call insight your intimate friend, to keep you from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words.”
Look at the connection. Treasure these words in your heart so that you are kept from the forbidden woman. The psalmist says, “I have stored up your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Ps 119:11). But I want to note what I think we’re doing when we hide God’s Word in our hearts to fight sexual sin. On the one hand, it is good and great to memorize Scripture that tell us not to sin sexually. If you wanted to memorize Proverbs 5-7, it would do you good. However, I also think it is helpful to identify what it is that we’re seeking after in those moments of sin and find Scriptural references to remember that God will give us that.
I’ll give you an example. When Nick was on the other side of the world in an orphanage with no parents, I would be greatly tempted with anxiety. And it helped to memorize Scripture about not being anxious. But what was the most helpful thing for me was to meditate on Psalm 68:5 which declares that God is Father of the fatherless. That, after all, was the source of my anxiety. I just wanted to know someone would care for him when I couldn’t. That verse reminded me that he was in God’s hands, who is the Father of the fatherless. Similarly, it is good for us to press our minds and hearts to think through what it is that particularly ensnares us about sexual sin and memorize Scripture that confirms that we have that treasure (whatever it might be) in Christ and not in sin. You see, Satan’s tactics are always to hold out something that can be good and right and tempt us to pursue it by a wrong means. Think of his promise to Jesus to give him the kingdoms of the earth. Was that God’s purpose for Jesus to have that? You bet it was. Psalm 2:7-8 says that the Father will give the Son the ends of the earth as his possession. Satan, however, was trying to get Jesus to go after something good through a sinful means. Jesus responds that he will worship only the Lord his God, knowing what the end of such God-honoring worship would be. So, hide God’s Word in your heart to remind yourself that what you’re tempted to chase in sexual sin is something that you have or is promised in Christ. And it always helps to have people in your life who will speak those truths to you because we are so often deceived in our own hearts and do not judge reality around us rightly. We need someone who will encourage and exhort us every day so that we are not hardened by the deceitfulness of sin (Heb 3:12-14).
Next, . . .
Just a sampling of verses here: 5:5 – “Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol.” 6:27-29 – “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; none who touches her will go unpunished.” 7:22-23 – “All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.” And 7:25-27 – “Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death.”
Sexual sin will destroy our lives. That is the consistent message the father wants his son to see, and it is one we must understand as well. We’re not playing with something that will leave us unharmed. Sexual sin will wreak havoc in your relationships, marriage, and life, and worst of all, it can lead you to hell. Many are the individuals who professed faith in Christ and ultimately showed themselves not to be genuine believers who hold fast to the gospel because they went down the road of sexual sin. And for every one of them it did not start with them in a hotel room with someone whom they weren’t married to. It began with a look or thought of lust that wasn’t fought against. It began with them thinking that this small sin would not lead to their deaths, and O how they were deceived! Sexual sin is wanting to lead us to hell.
But is there any hope for those who have engaged in sexual sin? Of course.
We have testimony in the Scripture of people like Rahab the prostitute who was saved and never had to live before God as one who continued to carry her sin with her but was actually in the very line of Christ. We have individuals like David who committed adultery but repented, found mercy, and was a man after God’s own heart. And we could go on. But I want us to see this morning that our only hope whether we’ve committed sexual sin last night or never committed sexual sin our entire lives is the gospel. It is the good news that Christ obeyed where we didn’t, died on the cross to pay the penalty for what we did, and rose from the dead so that if our faith and hope is in him, we are forgiven, declared righteous, and loved and delighted in by God. So, let us repent, remember the gospel, delight in forgiveness, and ask for the strength by God’s Holy Spirit to flee from and fight sexual sin. Amen.